*****Promises to Keep***** (by I love music) - comments

[Adia]

Brilliant update! Especially with the bits about Kane and Scott's past. It really brought me some perspective about their characters. Really well written.

He drew a packet of cigarettes and box of matches from his back pocket and, for dramatic effect, the way he’d often seen Dad do, leaned casually against the wall to strike a match against his shoe. But Scotty’s shoes were still wet from the beach and now from the kitchen floor and the effect was spoilt somewhat by the match refusing to light. Scott cursed and struck a second match, against the wall this time, lighting up with a flourish and inhaling deeply.

I can so imagine that happening. I liked how it sort of broke up the tension/danger in the air.

Scott had always been his favourite.

I totally believe that. I've always felt that Scott was just like his Dad, especially after reading the earlier bit about him and his mates robbing the shop. They are very similar. It's as if Richie was 'grooming' him for that kind of life since the day he was born. Where as Kane is so much more like his Mum and you can tell because of the genuine way that he cares and worries about her. It's more the fact that he actually CARES.

Like he could push him around, beat up on him, tell him what to do, but in the end looking out for his kid brother.

I like that there is a bond between the brothers even though Scott comes across as uncaring and violent etc. I think that was really emphasised in the previous bit where Richie came home and Scott told him to get in the cupboard and hide, and then he came back later to get Kane out of the cupboard. I really sympathise with Kane and Scott as kids, they've really had to grow up faster than other kids and look out for each other to literally stay alive.

Scotty is seriously giving my precious Johnny a run for his money... I know they're both bad... but... *sigh*

[Adia]

That was really sad.

Exactly when their once well-groomed, beautiful mother first became shadow-like and dowdy, neither of them would have been able to tell you. She gave up and nobody remembered when or how and, in truth, nobody thought too much about it. And, after a while, the family settled into a nice little routine.

I can actually imagine that. As the story has gone on, she's become so much more distant. But I guess that's how people deal with the violence around them. That's just really really sad.

Some time between the moon skulking behind a mass of clouds and the sun finding it far too early to rise, some time when scurrying rats pierced the air with loud squeaks and the world was at its darkest, the screaming finally stopped.

Awesome! The way you write just amazes me! Loving it!

Still feeling a bit weird about Ron though. I know he tried to save Jamie, but he obviously has some other reason or intention for being there which I just cannot fathom. Maybe I'm reading too much into it? But that was a great ending. I can't wait to see what else happens!

[I love music]

Still feeling a bit weird about Ron though. I know he tried to save Jamie, but he obviously has some other reason or intention for being there which I just cannot fathom. Maybe I'm reading too much into it?

Adia, you know far, far too much. Any day now expect a visit from the Men in Black...

[Adia]

Adia, you know far, far too much. Any day now expect a visit from the Men in Black...

Lol, at least they won't be men in white coats... then I'd be scared! So does that mean we haven't seen the last of Ron yet?

I need to find new words that mean brilliant, amazing, fantastic, great... but your writing is just all of the above and more! Love it!

Sweating and gasping for air, Kane fought his way with great difficulty (it was wrapped so very tight he thought he might have to stay there forever) out of the tunnel he’d created for himself with the duvet and pillow.

I have a confession, *don't tell anyone* but I can kind of relate to Kane and Scott... and that was one of the things that I used to do. The way you've described everything created the atmosphere so well, I almost felt like I was in the room with them, the detail was just fantastic. I liked how you wrote about the mouse, the cockroaches and the zombie... for me... it really emphasised the darkness and, I guess the rawness/horror of the situation.

yelling, with odd logic, Don't ya dare cark it or I’ll ******* kill ya myself!" in the end, he did nothing at all except stroke her hair, guiltily watching as his large tears splashed down and added to the terrible mess of blood and bone that was his mother.

That was so incredibly sad. I feel like giving Gus a taste of his own medicine!

Like all the family, she had totally lost her heart to the little boy. Small kids had no pre-conceived prejudices, no long-held grudges, no terms. They accepted people as they were.

^ Very true... until of course the big bad world taints their innocence. It's great that the Sutherlands never rejected Jamie, especially with their history with Kane.

Great ending, you really know how to keep me hanging and checking back everyday for an update!

[Eli]

I'm so sorry I haven't reviewed in a long time! I haven't checked the fan fiction forum very often, so I have missed all the updates. So here's a review of the last... erm... 7 chapters

The graveyard would be enough to frighten Kane into keeping his mouth shut forever about the diamonds.

This sentence to me describes Scotty as a person very well!

Kirsty and Kane had returned from their night out to find a very tired two-year-old, lonely tears streaming down his face, jam on his nose and cornflakes in his hair, sitting in sugar and trying to “read” himself and his teddy bear a bedtime story from the back of an upside-down cornflakes packet.

Aww, that is so cute! You gotta love Jamie!

Were their lives really so empty that it took something like this to make them realise how bitter they’d become?

As I have said before I really like the way you capture Shelley and Rhys's characters, and their feelings for Kane.

“It’s a friendship bracelet,” she explained, pulling at the strands of pink wool. “Kirsty made us one each in our favourite colours when we were about ten. Pink for me, green for Kirst, and rainbow for Dani because she liked heaps of colours. Bigger than we needed then so we could keep them forever. We said whenever we missed each other, we’d wear them, and, well...I...I kept mine and still wear it when I miss Kirsty and Dani. Stupid, I know.”

...and the Sutherland sisters... I love the way you talk about their relationship.

“And Kane.. He’s part of the family too."

As above about Rhys and Shelley.

Amazing chapter, of the last seven chapters this is in my opinion the most well written one!

The night was waiting. As death does.

A very powerful sentence! (actually two sentences, but you know what I mean..)

“Kirst,” she whispered tearfully. “I...I saw the ghost of your little girl. I saw Lily.”

So well written, and such an amazing twist of the story. Also a very good psychological twist of Dani's character.

Maybe, Melanie thought bitterly, it was all that guys ever did.

I feel so sorry for Melanie! And kudos for adding that part to the text, even though it isn't important for the storyline right there and then it just gives the paragraph the little extra. Very good!

But sometimes a fraction of a second is the difference between life and death.

Another very powerful sentence. This and the next two ones I have highlighted gave me the chills, so well written!

And Ron’s death meant nothing at all to the sea, so the sea swirled for a few brief seconds around the small pool of blood floating up to its surface, and then it moved on.

Colleen’s life had been, generally, a happy one and in her last few hours on earth she dreamed her life again. Weeks, months, even years flew by, condensed into seconds.

I also loved the way you described Colleen's life.

As usual this is very well written, and as usual I'm running out of superlatives to use when I review the chapters.

Great updates, dying to read more!

[Adia]

OMG! Dani

Great chapters. I liked the description of the town... the contrasts between the gardens and houses to the junkies and stuff. That was really good.

This is just so great I'm lost for words. Loved the background to that night Richie bashed Diane. He's such a monster. But the last bit about Scott looking out for Kane and "having to grow up quickly etc" that was awesome and so believable. It just emphasised the stuff that I had already constructed about the character.

And Ron’s death meant nothing at all to the sea, so the sea swirled for a few brief seconds around the small pool of blood floating up to its surface, and then it moved on.

That was really powerful...

Okay so Ron's gone... and Colleen. Two down one to go...

[Adia]

He grinned. “Alright, alright! Remember the night ya killed a guy...?”

...And the words themselves were so small, so insignificant, yet they carried a weight like a knock-out punch.

“Well, ya didn’t...”

What the?

I loved the action and drama in that chapter, it all flowed really nicely. I really felt for Kirsty, Dani and Jade in that chapter, especially when Kirsty felt guilty about choosing Kane.

There was a bit in there where you described the sea, the waves and the sky. That was brilliant. Your writing kind of has this magical realism element to it, if that's the right saying

Aah what's going to happen!?!

[Adia]

Great writing! But I can't believe Scotty died!

Okay, now I've been thinking about it lots because your story is so very brilliant, and here are my theories:

I don't believe that Scott would have hurt Jamie. Like you emphasised about his confrontation with Kirsty and how he had a conscience. Scotty always looked out for Kane and I really don't think he would've done anything to his own nephew. He's bad and he had conflicting emotions, but I don't think he's that evil.

Then there was the quote when Kane was watching Scott pull Melanie up. Something about how there was something going on and there was a "secret that Scott and Melanie shared." I'm thinking that was somehow connected to Ron, because earlier (sorry I can't remember what chapter) when Kane said something about Ron Wilson to Melanie... I think she turned around stunned or something? But it gave the impression like she knew of him. Because why would she be suprised/stunned? And I think however/whatever she knows about him, was the reason she passed Jamie to Scott. That sort of hit me with the last sentence in your last chapter “...up on those cliffs someone was going to kill Jamie...

So Ron wanted to hurt Jamie... but that's where I'm confused, because he was Jamie's teacher. And also about how Melanie and Scott know Ron... But then again Colleen knew Ron from way back when and she is the town gossip, so maybe they heard something from her?

The other thing that hit me was that Diane had a lover... who I'm guessing was the guy that Kane thought he stabbed. So if he didn't die, what happened to him? [edit] I just proof read the post and it's not what I think it is... is it?

The diamonds! Omg! All that time!!!!! But I guess Scotty was like Pandora's Box. All that was left at the end was hope...

Sorry for my rambling... but I'm very intrigued to see what happens!

[I love music]

Great writing! But I can't believe Scotty died!

Okay, now I've been thinking about it lots because your story is so very brilliant, and here are my theories:

I don't believe that Scott would have hurt Jamie. Like you emphasised about his confrontation with Kirsty and how he had a conscience. Scotty always looked out for Kane and I really don't think he would've done anything to his own nephew. He's bad and he had conflicting emotions, but I don't think he's that evil.

Then there was the quote when Kane was watching Scott pull Melanie up. Something about how there was something going on and there was a "secret that Scott and Melanie shared." I'm thinking that was somehow connected to Ron, because earlier (sorry I can't remember what chapter) when Kane said something about Ron Wilson to Melanie... I think she turned around stunned or something? But it gave the impression like she knew of him. Because why would she be suprised/stunned? And I think however/whatever she knows about him, was the reason she passed Jamie to Scott. That sort of hit me with the last sentence in your last chapter “...up on those cliffs someone was going to kill Jamie...

So Ron wanted to hurt Jamie... but that's where I'm confused, because he was Jamie's teacher. And also about how Melanie and Scott know Ron... But then again Colleen knew Ron from way back when and she is the town gossip, so maybe they heard something from her?

The other thing that hit me was that Diane had a lover... who I'm guessing was the guy that Kane thought he stabbed. So if he didn't die, what happened to him? [edit] I just proof read the post and it's not what I think it is... is it?

The diamonds! Omg! All that time!!!!! But I guess Scotty was like Pandora's Box. All that was left at the end was hope...

Sorry for my rambling... but I'm very intrigued to see what happens!

That's not a bad guess actually! Ever thought of becoming a cop? A lot of things will fall into place in the next couple of chapters.

[Adia]

Wow, that was a really powerful chapter. You were right... everything fell into place.

So Ron was Diane's lover AND Melanie's dad. Wow, what a revealation!

I loved how you wrote the Gus/Diane/Ron bit. It was very interesting to know how they were all connected.

And she clasped her arms tighter around Richie’s waist and nestled her head against him as if they’d been a couple forever.

That was a really great line. I actually felt really sorry for Ron. The things that we do for love...

Richie... so threatening and violent. But you write it so well, I could actually picture it.

Poor Kane.